Don't worry. There's no pressure here. This is not where I tell you that I expect you to go to Harvard, cure cancer, and write an opera. This is just where I want to list the stuff I'd like to do with you some day when you're older. Hopefully you'll see that this list represents my desire to know you, to help you grow and to spend time with you. Kind of how God feels about us!
1. I want to create our family coat of arms
2. I got an old antique tool box from an elderly lady at church. It belonged to her dad, but he died and she has no brothers or sisters and no children of her own. It's a nice wood toolbox, but it's covered in dirt and rusted. I want to help you to restore it. I envision us putting your name on it and when it is restored, we will find the tools you need one by one. Uncle Darrin and I go to the swapmeet every year (Spring and Fall) at Englishtown Raceway. It is a giant garage sale for car parts, tools, and other junk. We can find well-loved tools and add them to your tool box each year. We'll restore what we need to restore and shine what needs to be shined and we'll have fun hunting for the tools you need together.
3. I want you to help restore the GTO. Poppop bought the GTO in 1968 when he got back from the war in Viet Nam. He saw the car in a magazine while in Viet Nam and decided immediately that he would buy one when he got back. He did. They had just what he wanted right on the lot. His intentions were pure muscle. It was a 400, 4 speed with no power brakes, no power steering, and no A/C.
As years went on and he had me and Uncle Chris, Poppop had the intentions of rebuilding and restoring the GTO. But with the gas crisis in 1977 that eventually closed the speed shop he owned, and a lot of bills, and hungry mouths to feed, the GTO came last and it was parked on our front lawn on Marlboro Road for a good 15 years. His mom sold his original motor, a lot of people stole parts from it, he had new pieces scattered among several people's garages for storage that all "disappeared," and the guys that promised they would rebuild the engine and the body always backed out or never showed. Then the car got moved to the back yard for another 10 years. Until I bought a house with a garage and saved it. Unfortunately, by that time it was a pile of rust. I started working on it about September of 2006.
I want you to be a part of the restoration, because it's going to be yours some day (AFTER I DIE!) and I want you to understand the joy of fixing things and making things with your own hands. Don't plan on doing this for a living though...it doesn't pay!
4. Let's go fishin'.
5. If you're going to play soccer, I'd like to coach at least one of your teams.
6. If you want to learn the drums, I'd encourage it...and then you can teach me!
7. I want you to go to at least one training seminar per year in sales techniques from age 12 up.
This is where I'll write about the songs that have been part of my life or that mean something special. Some will have lyrics, some I will just give a title and artist, and some I will give an explanation as to what it means to me. I encourage you to listen to the songs and enjoy them. (*I have most of them in my collection.) Not all of these are necessarily my favorites, but they are all significant. This is a way for me to express the spheres of my life that I have shelved with memories both good and bad. It's probably a little self-serving. More of a way for me to catalog my life. But I guess that is one of the goals of this site.
(Lyrics not included here. Look the song up and give it a listen.)
This song reminds me of your mom and the time we met. The song came out much later, but the lyrics represent the hope and the excitement that blows up in your belly like a balloon when you find the person you know is "the one." It's an idealistic and poetic rendering that makes me think of spring and bright sun and green grass. When your mom and I started dating it was Spring and the world was waking up again. I was graduating in May and had the world ahead of me and at my feet. Your mom told me she was wooed by my ambition and my confidence. That I had a plan was amazing to her. Of course since then plans have changed, derailed, imploded, and morphed. The biggest change is that God's will is now a factor.
But this song is all of that youthful optimism and the genesis of love... of a life together: "Please come with me, See what I see. Touch the stars for time will not flee." Do you see what it's saying? Take my vision, let's dream together and take a chance on life. Let's reach for the stars! "Don't you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand, In the palm of your hand." What a beautiful metaphor. He's the one who she's been dreaming of... but not his face, the dream is of who he is, his dream. He writes in the palm of her sleeping hand. A subconscious beckoning. What an intimate thing, to take the hand of the one you love and with their eyes closed, write in their palm with your finger. Allow her to interpret what you're saying to her without spoken words. It's beautiful! His proposal is not unfamiliar to her. Their destinies have been intertwined from before they met. "And I know he's no stranger, For I feel I've held him for all of time."
"But he was looking to the sky." This reminds me of my big dreams and the confidence that drove me. No doubt in my mind that I would be successful. Now though, I look to the sky in a different way...To the Lord! I seek His desires for my life. And I pray for your mom, that God would bless her in spite of me! His love for her is greater than mine can ever be. As is His love for you! By the way, this song could also be interpreted as Jesus in our lives. Although admittedly, that wasn't the author's intent.
This song is a crazy and fun song that made a come back in late 1992 because of a Listerine commercial featuring a vine-swinging bottle of Listerine. Because of that commercial, radio stations started playing it again. I bought the cassette single. One night late in may May, the weather was beautiful. I was driving my dad's little white '88 Oldsmobile Ciera home from the shore full of too many kids. We had gone to Point Pleasant beach and had a fairly good night on the boardwalk. There was a whole bunch of people from my HS there that night and we had all gone down to meet up together. I ended up driving home a lot more people than I took because rides were lost as people left through the night. On the ride home, I was blasting this song over and over again at the request of everyone in the car. It was Me, Joe Carlone, Eric Gladkowski, Iris Boutros, Stacy Minero, and some junior chick, and possibly another person or two who i don't remember. It was a crazy night and I think everyone in that car probably thinks of that night when they hear this song. At least I hope they do...
(Lyrics not included here. Look the song up and give it a listen.)
This is a 1950's song that I used to sing to you when you were very very little - 1 to 3 months old. You would cry because your belly hurt, and I would sing oldies to you to help soothe you and distract you from the pain. You loved my singing! You would stare at me so intently as I sang. Now, when I sing it to you, you laugh at the words "buzz buzz buzz" and "twiddledeedledee."
(Lyrics not included here. Look the song up and give it a listen.)
This song came out in the first part of my senior year of college. My friend and fraternity brother Kenny and I would sing it in the school sports bar called the Rat. My mom would make fun of me singing the part that goes: "With my big black boots and an old suitcase..." It did sound funny. This song meant a lot to me in that time. Besides being a completely rockin' song with a melancholy undertone, the words applied to my life (at least in my own mind). The song is about change, discontentment, and hope.
At that time, your Uncle Darrin was considering moving to Pennsylvania to work with his dad at a ski lodge / restaurant that his dad owned. It would be a permanent move. Considering that he and I spent almost everyday together (when I was home from school) it was pretty depressing. I was on the verge of graduating and leaving all my friends. My brother, your Uncle Chris, had already left to go to school in South Carolina, and a lot of other changes were facing me. It just seemed like everything was shifting and nothing would be the same.
"With my big black boots and an old suitcase...I do believe Ill find myself a new place." That line made me think of Darrin moving and my having to change. "I just want to see some palm trees...Go and try and shake away this disease- We can live beside the ocean, Leave the fire behind, Swim out past the breakers Watch the world die." this stanza made me yearn for a change from the dullness that had become my familiar surroundings and my school life. As much as I hated change, I also felt tired and in many ways done with where I was. These lyrics were my hope for the future- bright and happy.
"I am still dreaming of your face...Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away." Here, the song takes a turn and starts to rock. It was a real release of energy and frustration when I would sing along. It also reminded me of my loneliness and the longing for love in my life. What I was missing was God, but I didn't know it at the time. My joy was in fleeting and futile things that couldn't give me peace. These words embodied the hunger inside for something more.
"I'll walk right out into a brand new day, Insane and rising in my own weird way." More energizing lyrics. Hope! I'll make my future bright - I'll do it my way! A failed philosophy, but meaningful at the time. "I dont want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore." That's a beautiful way to say what I was feeling at the time - my life was a sleepwalk dance and I felt like I wasn't progressing. I just wanted to graduate and make money. "I just want to feel some sunshine." Again, this was during the winter, so I was probably somewhat depressed and deprived of sunlight. But overall the idea was a broader feeling of my life and turning a corner to a brighter place. "I just want to find some place to be alone." Although I was lonely, this line always rang with me. I have always enjoyed temporary seclusion and time to think. This meant to me time away from deadlines, meetings, responsibilities, etc. Just time to really be alone and reflect. When I hear this song to this day, I can feel the exact atmosphere of my life at that time. It becomes vivid as I shout the words along with the song. It's like a time capsule in my mind. But I'm glad I'm not there anymore!
This is where I'll publish some of the poetry I've written. Some of it is significant, some is just who I was at the time. It's been a long time since I've written anything new. But boy, did your mommy inspire me! I've always enjoyed words and being able to say profound things in new and uncommon ways. I'll also post poetry that isn't my own, but that inspires me. I'll include song lyrics that are especially poetic.
What have I, I wouldn't give To be the one beside her? Swallows weep and angels sigh to have the love inside her.
The precious wealth, her love, her heart
Shall not be mine this day
Her eyes, her lips, such beauty be
To God above I pray
I ask He pity my foolish soul,
And bestow her love upon me.
But a fool am I to dream such dreams
God would never let it be.
Her smile is far too perfect,
Her love is far too sweet,
A princess never was born for a pauper
So never our souls shall meet.
I know her thoughts I’ll always cherish,
Her heart I will love forever.
I know I will always be in pain,
For we will never be together.
Moonlight through clouds pales her complexion and throws shadows upon the sand.
She speaks of the beauty beheld in the night as her gaze falls upon a breaking wave. But my eyes... my eyes set on her face as I concentrate on the words that flow from her lips.
The surf soothes our conversation and provides soft music that accompanies her poetic thoughts. Mist sprays my face and lightly settles in reality. My gaze floats to the horizon. Blackness. Nothing but the lightest shade of which is the difference in the end of the sky, the end of the earth, and the end of time. Eternity was visible in that dark horizontal. The universe and ocean seem one in the night; stealing the stars from eachother: One entity that lives and breathes and the pulses of their hearts race as one. It flows through my body with every breaking crest. Each curl that forms and breaks is love. Slow, beautiful, perfect, and eternal. Where ocean meets sky is an eternity of love that grows stronger as each wave embraces the shore to spill over affection on the earth.
A light breeze blows between us and I turn feeling her close presence. I catch her stare. Stone grey innocence fills my mind with thoughts of the stars and I look away into the stellar sky. More radiant in the night however, is her smile; and the grasp of her stare lures my curiosity to her face once again.
Now her attention is thrust upon the stars and we speak of the poetry of the moment. This surely is the dream of men. the lure of adventurous and courageous men... the sea and its romance. It is the moon in its full and the call of the wind off the rocks to come gently through our hair. Inspiration pours from the Earth with every crashing wave. And yet is it my love of the sea or for her that drives my soul to sing out in joy and in youth? Perhaps both collect my emotion. The feeling of the night and the energy is overwhelming for the two of us. We offer our efforts to put our thoughts to words, but we know the impossibility of such.
Is it the absence of day? The presence of the stars? The pounding surf? Is it her- with a stare to freeze solid an ocean? Or is it but a dream? Each wave is a symbol of undying love beholden of the shore from the sea. the two greatest forces in the universe in eternal embrace.
And so herein lies an answered question. Mine own heart has answered it for me. The night goes on, and the tide rises and falls, and she stares forever into my eyes. this is my dream.
As if to watch a dove in flight,
whose feathers are plucked as he flies,
my dream that flew so high and bright,
now falls, and crashes, and dies.
Like a flower whose petals are taken
by the dreams of a hopeful lover,
my heart is a stem that's breaking
in the fist of a man who suffers.
I invested my heart in the bank of true love,
but her heart had already been stolen.
I am bankrupt and poor like a fallen dove,
while he's rich with her love that is golden.
On a moonlit night as I sit all alone
I ponder my thoughts in a silent drone.
I dream of conversation and words never said
Things we'll never do together pound in my head.
What is my purpose under God on this earth?
Was I meant to be lonely, wasI cursed from my birth?
"Why dosn't she love me?" in anger I cry
Each tear drop that falls echoes silently, "why?"
When I was a child and I dreampt of my life,
I know it was her that I saw as my wife.
With intelligence and beauty and all of her charms,
This girl is the one who belongs in my arms.
Without her my future is just promises broken,
A meaningless fairytale whose moral is token.
My soul I surrender, my hopes I set free,
For she'll only be mine if it's meant to be.
Woes and sorrows have I none,
This day I know I have seen the sun.
As dark as midnight her eyes shine bright.
1000 deaths I'd die, she is worth the fight.
To the sight of a layman she beholds such a presence
She seems a queen to this humble peasant.
An angel on earth, that's what I see...
An angel I hope sent to watch over me.
When I met her I loved her,
though I fought it so.
Acceptance is pain,
a pain I can't show.
For now I just watch her beauty beholden.
Her smile I can't lose, so silence is golden.
A man not of honor, nor pride, nor the like;
She belongs to him...though I know it's not right.
Heaven bestowes each man with a fate.
If mine's not with her than my future I hate.
Fate be a demon with hell's angels akin,
I'll fight him, I'll conquer and by God, I'll win.
'Tis deep in the realm of my chest where it hides,
"I love her so deeply," in God I confide.
He loves me, I know; But the question's will she?
I'll give it my all, all my heart and we'll see.
Some day... I dream of a curly haired biy
Who calls me his daddy as he plays with a toy.
And there by his side, is his mother I love,
The one whom I spoke of, who came from above.
So with my dreams I will watch and I'll wait,
For my fate with or without her that God will create.
My dream is forever, or at least 'til the day
that she will be mine and I'll hear her say,
with all of her heart and mind and soul too,
that she'll love me forever when she says, "I DO!"
(Lyrics not included here. Look the song up and give it a listen.)
There are more lyrics to this song, but I love the use of language. The music is very emotion provoking as well and appropriately melancholy. But the way the poetry reverses and spells out the simple thought of how much time has passed since he's seen his love is beautiful to me. It's probably lost on most people, but I love it. It also evokes memories for me of times when you may not have the person with you whom you're missing, but in your dreams they're always with you. The condition of having a lonely mind and dreaming of someone is common to everyone who has ever lived.
Any stories that come to mind from my life that don't necessarily hold a lesson, but that I just want to share for my progeny will be here. Because I didn't know the Lord as a teenager, many of my stories are not worthy of passing on...
**PG-13 Here's One: When I met your Uncle Darrin, we were in high school. I was a sophmore and he was about 33 years old. Just kidding. He was a junior. He was interested in this girl named Diana Gigante. Darrin and I had played soccer for a year together, but never talked once. Well I met Diana on an Italian Club trip to NYC for the San Gennaro festival. We clicked and she was sweating me hard. She mentioned that she was good friends with Darrin. So I approached him before a game so we could warm up and pass the ball together. When I mentioned Diana he got all protective and wanted to know what the deal was. So we struck up our friendship and we all started hanging out. I realized that Darrin like Diana so I backed off. He knew her first and I like the guy so I let it go. We were all supposed to hang out at a party one night at another girl's house. Diana called me to talk before the party and make sure I was going. She said, "Oh, Darrin told me to tell you to go for it tonight." Well apparently, when they had talked earlier she mentioned wanting to hook up with me and Darrin at that point made up his mind that if she was into me, he was out of it. So he gave me permission to go ahead. But he did it THROUGH THE GIRL! So I started laughing on the phone with Diana and she asked me what Darren meant by that. So I just said, "Oh, he meant tonight at the party to have fun." I did kiss Diana that night - (she initiated it!) and that was my first real kiss. But it was CLASSIC Stone and so hillarious that Darrin gave me permission to go after a girl THROUGH the girl and she was none the wiser. It also shows how he's a standup guy and why we're still best friends to this day.